Today I realized something I thought I would never stumble upon. In the mix of transferring from high school to college. I lost my self. Not particularly my MIND, but my differentials, boldness, and being able to take risk. A lot of this is referring to the way I dress, do my hair and the way I socialize. I tend to shy away from things that make me who I am. Crazy hair, sneakers, whatever/whatever. I can say some of the trend lack is because I am flat broke, but still... I feel as though I've been concealing my identity with being afraid to be me. (My Fashion teacher is perfect, yet so judgmental.) Alot of the clothes I own she has said they're out of style or something to that effect (not directly to me, but in class discussions). Do you know how that makes me feel? LIKE I LOOK A MESS. On top of that I do not socialize at all. I don't have any friends here (okay, I have two). But I prefer to be in my room couped up with my laptop, a book or watching TV-ONE. In a way I feel myself changing into my Mother - and then I look at myself like I'm too young to completely turn into her. Ha ha. I think the lack of my socializing comes from - actually not liking people. I am not perfect, I know. It's just so many things, ignorant things, that people do and say that I do not understand. Why is there so much hate in this world? Liars? Stunters? It totally bothers me and in that case I'd rather be to myself. No need to bring new people in my life, especially if we are not benefiting one another. Right? You ever heard the saying more friends more problems? I think that is very true. My main friend I have, here at UA, her life revolves around drama and gossip and I just can't deal with it.Anyways I'm working on finding my identity again and this time more God-like. Yep, I still love my Boosie, Gotti and Jeezy. But I like the me before the hurricane. No cursing, church loving (that has never change), non-smoking (I don't know if that will ever change), pure, bold, risk taker me. That's who I am, that's what I'm known for. That's just the way I should be.